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Things I’ve Learned Working the Polls

1. The vast majority of voters are great. But that .1% are horrible,

2. You’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t

   a. Use two ballot boxes to speed up long lines, and someone will undoubtedly accuse you of using one of the ballot boxes to dump ballots you don’t want to count.

   b. If you attempt to keep an eye on things you know are going wrong, not performing optimally, someone will accuse you of trying to read their ballots. Yo, dude. I have no idea who the hell you are, and if I’m running 4000 ballots thru a machine, I promise you I won’t remember (OR CARE) how you voted. .

3.  Someone invariably will show up 10 minutes before closing and be furious when we tell them they came to the wrong precinct. Sorry buddy, it’s the law, not my rule.

4. If you move from one state to another, no you cannot vote unless you register in THIS state. Really? You didn’t bother to find out, so it’s MY fault?

5. If you didn’t bother to check with the Supervisor of Elections office to make sure your address change that you made at the Department of Motor Vehicles got  sent up to the Elections office, it is everyone’s fault but your own.

6. If your legislators or your governors cut the funding for Early Voting, yell at them, not us. 

7. It is guaranteed that Mickey Mouse will score highly on any write-in ballot (better than any candidate actually running, and most of the time better even than Jesus Christ)